Indian News Update by a Spl Correspondent

1. There is going to be a major infrastructure push.
Don’t push too hard. It could fall over. We all know what our infrastructure is made of.

2. Bangalore infrastructure — ‘infra dig’ is the phrase I think. You see holes all over the place — roads I believe. But the drains are full. A neat inversion.

3. What’s it with Sasikala and hospitals? I understand that she’s now out on parole to visit hubbie Natarajan, who’s in hospital. Considering Sasikala was Jayalalitha’s caregiver, Natarajan should be very worried.

4. A cousin of mine who needed a kidney transplant waited for a year to get the legal permissions necessary. In that case the donor was his sister.

Sasikala’s husband Natarajan has had his liver and kidneys transplanted overnight. The donor was an unknown labourer who ‘died’ rather conveniently and whose organs were airlifted on priority to save this very precious life. Very touching! And why are there no media stories on this?

5. We remember the lawyers, ministers and hospital spokesmen who lied in their teeth about Jayalalitha’s condition. The entire nation was lied to. Constitutional functionaries like the Governor and PM visited but were not allowed (so we are told) to meet the ailing CM. An unelected person was the caregiver and guardian and the sole person with access to the CM. She decided what treatment would be given. We are told that Jayalalitha signed or thumb stamped important Tamil Nadu government documents with her thumbs (both left and right) and her toes, all twenty of them, on her sickbed. Apparently this is standard procedure. No one — no IAS/IPS official DG (all twenty) and Secretaries to government, including the Cabinet Secy(another twenty of them, I suppose) objected. Waah re Indian democracy!

In view of the above, with the experiment with DGs of Police working very well, why not have 20 PMs as well. Safety in numbers!

6. Almost forgot. Gandhiji is alive and well and living in Bareilly, quite close to Netaji’s place.

How do I know Netaji is alive? Three commissions were not able to decide whether he was dead. Since these were all respected retired Supreme Court judges, and you will be hit with “contempt of retired court” if you disbelieve, he is obviously alive. He is a sprightly 120 years old and still walks with the spring of his youth. Of course the locals know him as Mauni Baba or something.

How do I know that Gandhiji is still alive? Because another commission has been appointed to probe his assassination. It seems that there was a fourth bullet — never found, but suspect. He still carries it. Apparently Gandhiji showed the scar to Netaji when he came home to visit. It still pains him on the odd winter day. Gandhiji is 148 now and still abstemious and sparing in his food habits.

I dont know for sure, but I think they go across to each other’s places often to discuss local politics, panchayat and block, that is. Both gave up on national politics long ago.

So Godse did not kill Gandhiji. How our history books lie!

7. In Bangalore, the drunk son/grandson of a VVIP ran over some VVSUPs (Very Very Small and Unimportant People) in his Merc SUV. Marijuana was also found in the car. He scrammed and later got himself admitted to his aunt’s hospital. Later that night he ‘escaped’ from hospital with help from sympathetic hospital staff outraged at the injustice he had suffered and was found a week later in the Post Office’s Lost and Found Dept. He says the marijuana was planted in his car. He was certainly not the driver. The driver was somebody else. Yes, it was Salman’s driver, the same chap who mowed down those people on the footpath in Mumbai. He was as shocked as we would have been if we found our Merc taken over by a maniac driver intent on mayhem. A dangerous chap obviously and addicted to powerful SUVs.

8. Honeypreet has been found. Honeypreet Who? Honeypreet Insaan, adopted daughter of Guru Ram Rahim Insaan (I’ve left out the other names for want of space) was captured by the ever alert Haryana Police after she escaped on the helicopter to jail. Yes, can you believe the audacity of this lady. Escaped to jail on a helicopter…and couldn’t be found thereafter. When found again, she was in an SUV accompanied by four lawyers. We are not sure whether the lawyers found her or vice versa, but they all wanted to surrender with her, for what crimes we have not been told, but doubtless serious. I won’t be surprised to know that they have escaped too.

Anything is possible in Indian jails. Remember the Nabha jail which was ‘attacked’ by four ‘atankis’ who drove up in a car, rang the bell and were then admitted. They asked for the cell number of the most wanted ‘atanki’ inside. When the guard gave them one of the atanki’s cellphone numbers, they clouted him on the head and said they wanted his jail cell number. Once guided to his abode, they then ungratefully turned their gun on the poor guard and left without even giving him his baksheesh, the scum! How can you expect government servants to do their jobs sincerely when they are not even paid for their services?

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Ramesh Sukumaran

Ex Indian Air Force fighter pilot and retired civil aviation captain, interested in history science and literature avtion