Rahul and a Little History
In 1971 Indira Gandhi in the flush of victory over Pakistan coined the slogan ‘Garibi Hatao’. It heralded a massive anti-poverty programme. Since then poverty has been utterly abolished in the Nehru Gandhi family. In the rest of India, I must admit that there exist little pockets of poverty, but these are mainly for use in film sets and to remind people of the bad old days when we really had poor people.
With Montek Singh Ahluwalia’s invention of the BP (Below the Poverty) line, we can now lower and increase the number of people living in poverty as we please by merely moving the clothesline a little bit up or down. I must add that another reason for keeping these pockets of poverty is to present Western correspondents eager to send back pictures of India’s poor and starving millions, some ‘live’ shots and to make them feel comfortable. Poor chaps, they do not know that we now have air-conditioned malls in all our major cities. Anyway ‘Athithi Devo Bhava’. We are nothing if not hospitable.
After this tremendous onslaught on poverty. Indira Gandhi looked for other things to do. So we then had the slogan “Roti Kapda aur Makaan”. This was another great success. The Nehru Gandhi family now occupies, along with the several memorials to deceased relatives of that family, the major part of Lutyens Delhi. That’s the Makaan part sorted out.
Roti too. Bofors, 2G and the coal mine allotment processes have seen to it that later generations of the Gandhi lineage shall not want. Beside all this, Kapda is a minor issue. You will be glad to know that it has not been neglected. There are plenty of haute-couture designers who reside in New Delhi.
A fact which came to light recently in the run up to the Gujarat elections is that Rahul is a Shiva bhakt. And hence his devotion to Somnath, which he first heard about on Nov 27th this year. Someone, probably Ahmed Patel, told him that Mahmud of Ghazni was a great devotee of Somnath and had made pilgrimages there every year. Seventeen times it is said. The name Mahmud clinched it. Passionate Hindu that he is and secular as they come, Rahul insisted on visiting the famous shrine the very next day. But alas, they made him sign some register for non-Hindus there. It is evident that he was misled.
Congress spokesman Randeep Surjewala was quick to point out that Rahul is indeed a janeu dhari Brahmin. That is as it should be. According to the Manusmrithi, anyone born of a part Hindu father and a Catholic mother is a Brahmin. In fact I have it on good authority that Rahul recites the Gayatri Mantra everyday before he demolishes his medium-rare beefsteak.
A new serial has just commenced on Sony TV. Titled Porus, it tells us the story of India’s first freedom fighter. Guess who? It’s Porus, of course. In its first two episodes, it upended everything I thought I knew about that part of our history. It seems that Porus, whom we only know because his reply to Alexander was recorded in Greek histories of the period, was actually born at the same time as Alexander, whose mother Olympia was some kind of Vishkanya or Nagin and so presumably had Indian roots. I will not be surprised to learn that Porus and Alexander were twin brothers separated at birth. Hence the instant rapport that they struck. Anything is possible. So watch on and learn some real Indian history.
I hear that the Greek ambassador has sent in a formal protest to the External Affairs Ministry about the serial, claiming misrepresentation and insult to all Greeks. So too has the Macedonian Ambassador. Both Greece and Macedonia claim Alexander. Someone responsible for so many deaths is obviously a national treasure. Both countries do not wish to be cheated of their very own genocidal maniac, sorry world-conqueror. It is reported that both Greek and Macedonian chapters of the Alexander Raksha Sena will be sending detachments to New Delhi to protest at the Jantar Mantar. We may expect some mayhem in the areas around Connaught Place and Parliament Street in true desi style when they arrive. Technical advice to both delegations on this account is being provided by the Karni Sena. I understand that the actors’ noses and heads have been insured.
In a move designed to raise Indian hackles, Pakistan too has laid claim to Porus. Hafiz Saeed of infamous 26/11 memory has proclaimed Porus a mujahid who fought for the true faith and laid down his life for the Prophet against the kaffirs, though there is no mention of this in the annals or the holy book. He has demanded that a chapter on “Porus ke kaarnaame” be included in the 2nd standard madrassa syllabus. He has also demanded that the serial be banned on Indian TV, since visual depictions of the Sahaba are prohibited. I’m sure that the CBFC will pay due regard to this request in order to ensure that ‘minority’ feelings are not hurt.
Actually the Pakistanis have a point. Porus hailed from Sialkot which is now in Pakistan. So like Harappa, Mohenjodaro and Takshashila, Porus too is part of Pakistan’s national heritage. Methinks we are on a weak wicket here, celebrating a Pakistani hero. We would be better off celebrating Aurangzeb, who at least was born here.
